My mum was the lucky girl from 9 children, 9 Children? I know right... my grandad was a horny beast with no money for condoms, however it wasn't like in England, they didn't get paid per child, they just got poorer & poorer. Their believe was that one of the children might make it, & save the rest of the family from that situation that they put themselves in.
My grandad never smiled, I caught him kissing my grandma in a very saucy way, he wasn't smiling even then. Funny enough he died from a heart attack when he was only 56 while he was asleep, the weird thing was he died with the biggest smile on his face I've ever seen... I think his sayings explain his smile, e.g. "Life is: problem, problem, problem then a crisis and after that it continues the same". Another example of his sayings was " life is a bitch and then you die".
Happy chap he was, although I've never met someone so hard working as him, I admired him lots. He was taken to the hospital once because his thingy got hard for more than 34 hours, please remember that Viagra wasn't invented back then, they had to do something, I expect awful, to his thingy and sent him home. They didn't have more children after that nor a smile either :-(
Grandma was and still is a woman without any problem to switch off from any life's troubles. Her philosophy is: "at least you're not dead or very ill yet". "You probably just want some action" and my favourite... "the devil knows more because of his age and not because he is the devil".
I have 3 uncles, 1 who is still alive & trying to make it away from Colombia, he is the kindest one of all. Although he was a flirt & still is. He believes in everything, he thinks that people have the power to change his entire life by black magic or even by wishing him bad luck. His "bad luck" is the decisions that he took a long time ago. Very nice guy, but too superstitious. He lives on a daily basis wanting to go back to his city.
He should, life is short, so enjoy it where you want to enjoy it. I do like him. Thanks to him his son is going to be a doctor, the first one in the family. My uncle sold to his son the idea that his son was "special" a bit too much. I hope my cousin never forgets about his dad when he's a doctor & bring him back to his home city.
My uncle number 2 is dead, he died from leukaemia, painfully & alone. He worked so hard in another country to send money to his family in Colombia. He was a very angry guy & the strongest one of the family, he could bend bars made from iron with his hands. He drank a whole 2 litres of soft drink in one go and made everyone feel very unwelcome when they visited. His wife is nice & cheeky and his children are funny.
My uncle number 3 is also dead. He was the black sheep of the family according to everyone, except to me. He had a double life. When he was at home with us, he pretended to be a nasty guy, I think it was to steal the attention from the other 2 uncles. When he was on his own or outside, he was a funny nice guy, & everyone liked him, apart from his own family because he smoked marihuana. I've never done drugs but I don't care if an ADULT decides to do so, it's their choice. I do hate children taking them though. I remember his sayings, jokes & I remember one time when the family was praising up my first uncle's dance style, clapping and everything, when the black sheep showed to me very secretly a trophy that he'd just received for winning a famous salsa dancing competition in that city. No one else knew or knows about it, to this day...... I miss his jokes. He got shot in the head in the middle of a football pitch for defending youngsters from a drug dealing gang. He had one son, the son is now in prison for having sex with his own younger half-sister. I'm glad my uncle didn't see that, however I don't think it would've happened if he was around.
My oldest aunt is friendly, a bit conning, fat and proud. Her husband got found out, he had a second entire family for years and years, she forgave him and took him back. She's so easy going that's hilarious. Had 2 children, one girl now a nurse and a boy, whom I don't know much about him these days.
I have 2 twins aunties, one doesn't have teeth or toilet, she lives in her mother-in-law's house at the top in a little 2 bedroom flat with kitchen but without a bathroom, the woman doesn't share her bathroom which is downstairs with an easy access. My aunty has to go to the neighbours' to do her business. I think the mother-in-law wants to give them a roof over their heads but punish them at the same time for not being successful, or maybe my aunty just makes a very very bad smell. I will never know. Her 2 children are good, one is a model because he likes to pose a lot and the other one is just a unemployed like the majority of my family. The other twin is in America, living the American dream for a poor South American person... A nightmare! Her funny story is that when her 1st ex-husband was at the airport and going to America, he was stopped by the authorities because he had another wife with a child and this unknown wife to my aunty was asking for child support. The airport people said to her, what are you going to do with this air-ticket? She said I'll take it, so she did. She left straight away to America, with no plans, no luggage, no money or no even speaking a bit of English. Brave woman, she even left behind her 2 children without saying good bye. She married a Cuban guy very soon, but it went wrong again :-( She is struggling a lot in America but still sending money to her children. One of them had to flee from school because a drug dealing gang wanted to kill him because he was friend of a guy who was in another gang, so they wanted to kill everyone who was close to that other gang, e.g. friends, family, children and even the dogs. They just didn't like any reminder of their competitors at all. He is still alive today and he went back to school thanks to the fact that the main guy of this drug dealing gang got killed before the war even started... Phew!
My other aunty is the darkest girl and the witch of the family according to herself. She's so into black magic. I don't believe in her powers because she's still very poor and her life is ok but not magical at all. I think she is a good actress and does it to get extra cash from her own brother & sisters and a couple of neighbours, who believe that my aunt can improve their lives by smoking a cigar or spitting some kind of alcoholic drink on their faces, I think both of them are gross. Her husband is from the north coast of Colombia, nice guy with another way of seeing life. She has 2 boys, I don't know much about the youngest one. The oldest one is my godson which is very bad for him because I haven't given him many presents, money or advice, and I don't even believe in god, so not a good godfather at all, just an under average cousin.
My favourite aunt is moody, difficult, crazy but kind and helpful... I love her so much because she always made me feel like one of her children. I take after her with my personality and my moustache. She had a funny party trick, she used to take one her fake teeth out for the photos, she swallowed it so many times, waited, then washed it and put it back in her mouth, this process used to take only 3 hours. Her husband is much older and suffers from Alzheimer's. Her son looks like a bad guy but he's not. Her daughter is completely in love with herself, she makes a good couple!
My next Aunty is something else, she was a great cook, she has lived in many countries, left her children with my grandma so she could go to make some money. However , she used to work as a lady of the night, day and afternoon, her fashion gave it away to be honest. She also was going out with my step-dad before my mum took him away from her.... I would rephrase this to... Save my Aunty from him... I'll talk about him later... Going back to my Aunty the prostitute, she is so religious and superstitious too, black magic and everything. My naughty Aunty has 3 children, 2 daughters and 1 son. Their father was a funny guy that took so much drugs, that his mind got lost... Last time he was seen, he was walking in the streets, mattering to himself and semi-naked... the crazy people in Colombia are also poor and rich, the rich ones are inside an institution. The poor ones are walking naked or semi-naked in the streets, having baths in any fountain they find and growing lots of body hair, eating disgusting things and dancing... somehow they look happier than the boring rich ones. Back to my cousin, he is a great mixed between my Aunt's beliefs and her old job, he is so Catholic and prays and preaches all the time, all the time when he is not watching porn or over eating. I always told him: "you're good at multitasking, while you are blessing with one hand, you are masturbating with the other one."
My other 2 cousins continued the family business, I remember both of them saying in different occasions how much they enjoy the male member. My aunty went to Europe and as soon as she couldn't get much work because of her age or size, she asked her older daughter to continue her business, so she did and she loved it, she used to sent pictures of her outfits and stories about how many she could handle at once or during a night, she worked hard. Then when this cousin got like her mum too, old and huge, they called for the youngest one, who still working hard to provide for her lazy family. The nicest of these bunch is the youngest one, she's very sweat but incredible gal-able. I remember they used to ask their brother and I for some personal liquid to put on their faces as a mask. Gross! They even put their own brother's stuff on their faces to look young. Their skin used to get very tight for few minutes.
I have many more family but I think is must be getting a bit boring for you to read about all of them, so let me finish saying that my dad was called the devil because the way he was, he is funny, a good dancer, an alcoholic but quite intelligent. In general, he was rubbish as a dad, husband and I think rubbish at most of the role he played on his life, apart from his job. I have started talking to him again after nearly 15 years, thanks to my wife who makes me a better and kinder person... He had 2 more children with another woman, my sister talked to me no so long ago, only because she wanted me to bring her over. His son doesn't talk to me at all... i think that it's better for both of us. That was my dad, the alcoholic devil who always smiles.
Now I'm going to focus on my closest family in my childhood, my 2 half-brothers, who are like my children as well as my mum who is still like my clumpsy daughter and my horrible, mental and abusive step-dad, I call him lots of names but for you I'll call him by his real name "EFRAIN"...
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